Life happens. Some days are easy and predictable. Others come hurtling towards us at the speed of light, lifting us off our feet, left feeling unsettled, out of control, flailing. In spite of all the tools we've picked up along the way, we can find ourselves stuck in the moment, helpless.
That would be me. For the last four months.
Feeling gut-punched, the breath knocked out of me. Struggling to open my lungs.
I've been afforded many opportunities to feel shell-shocked, frozen, disconnected from my own wisdom as well as others around me. Who is this woman that is questioning her own hard-fought-for judgement and intuition? Who is this woman saying things in anger, even if they are the truth? Who is this woman bursting into tears unexpectedly? I do not recognize her.
But I know one thing. I love her and forgive her for sometimes showing up in ways that aren't popular or perfect. For showing up in ways that are not in alignment with who I strive to be, who I know I am.
I'm realizing that it's now time to give her the compassion, softness and gentleness I give to others. The very compassion I invite my clients to give themselves. So that I can come back to myself again.
There's nothing I need to do to earn that type of love. Because I'm already worthy of it.
And maybe invite more breath. Which guides me to make authentic choices in how I respond to what life is bringing me.
If I spoke of the reasons for my world turning upside down, one could easily say this is all normal and to be expected.
But if I rely on those "reasons", I avoid the fact that it really doesn't matter what they are.
What matters is that I get to start today fresh, remembering the truth of who I am and live in alignment with love, compassion, grace, forgiveness, patience and wholeness.
How lucky am I to live this beautiful life, full of muck and love.